While unfortunately little can be done to correct your reproductive failures, you need not be the target of derision, mistrust, hatred, and accusations of infanticide, cannibalism or witchcraft by your friends, neighbors, or religious groups any longer.
Enter Uncle Coyote's Baby Farm! Uncle Coyote's Baby Farm is a subsidiary of the highly respected CoyotePlanet Internet Industries + Virotox World Domination Group, of Anderson, California. Uncle Coyote's Baby Farm is located in Shasta County, in Northern California, nestled in the midst of the rugged and picturesque wildfire and methamphetamine country of the mountainous Northern Sacramento Valley.
Uncle Coyote's Baby Farm is the largest baby production facility in Northern California, supplying over 700 mostly babies of all types per year to grateful losers, just like you.
Uncle Coyote's Baby Farm maintains a herd of over 1200 healthy, fertile females. Fresh stock is added at a regular basis, replacing older, less productive stock, which is humanely retired. Babies are kept with their mothers for several months to assure a healthy socialization period, then allowed to free range for several more months to expose them to a variety of common diseases and predators, in order to ensure the most healthy, robust child possible. Only then they are collected and sold to you, the public, at rock bottom prices that simply cannot be beat anywhere!
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| BONUS! All Uncle Coyote Baby Farm® babies are permanently marked with their names and ID numbers! |
It's easy! You simply select a baby, using the selection form provided below, to choose your baby's basic characteristics: gender, race, and size, the easy Internet way! Just choose one item from each dropdown form below. Don't worry! If you make an error, simply go back and correct it. What could be simpler? Then, when you are satisfied with your choice, just click the handy "Check Order" button, and your order will be displayed, along with the cost of your precious new baby!
You bet! Every baby sold by Uncle Coyote's Baby Farm is permanently branded , on its tiny forehead, with a cute as hell name, given at birth, by our patented Uncle Coyote Make-A-Name Machine, as well as a unique identification number and bar code, branded on its cute little chest, which can be registered with your local police department, should your little bundle of joy be misplaced or stolen.
Sure! Bad credit? No credit? No job? No home? No prospects? No hope? No problem! Just apply for the CoyotePlanet MoneyCard®! Your acceptance is 100% guaranteed! Use it just like any other credit card at any CoyotePlanet Internet Industries affiliated retail or service establishment. No hassles! No fuss! At CoyotePlanet, our mission is to serve you!
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The CoyotePlanet Money Card® is not a credit card or debit card. It is an identification card only which may only be used for the purposes of a) Putting in your wallet, and b) Throwing away. The CoyotePlanet Money Card® is a legally biding agreement between CoyotePlanet Industries (heretofore referred to as "us," or "we.") and the signatory party of the CoyotePlanet Cash Card, (heretofore referred to as "you," or "the chump.) which is a perpetual, non-revocable agreement between us and you which authorizes us to have complete control of all of your assets, cash, and real, including, but not limited to: all sources of income, both legal and illegal, inheritances, gifts, gambling winnings, found money, investments, sale of possessions, selling of your soul, and gifts from supernatural beings/deities, and UFO aliens. This card may only be used once, and is limited to 1 (one) purchase totaling $5.00 US or less. |
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Instructions: Choose one item from each dropdown menu below. After each choice is made, click the "OK" button. This will activate an alert box which will request you to verify that you are satisfied with your choice. If your choice is satisfactory, repeat with each succeeding dropdown menu and alert box. After each alert, you may change your order by repeating the previous choice.
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1. Your Baby's Gender
Choose the gender of your baby from the list provided. You must choose one, or a random choice will be made for you from our available stock.
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2. Your Baby's Race/Ethnicity
Choose the race/ethnicity of your baby from the list provided. You must choose one, or a random choice will be made for you from our available stock.
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3. Your Baby's Size
Choose the size of your baby, relative to the norms of the above choices, from the list provided. You must choose one, or a random choice will be made for you from our available stock.
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4. Finish and Review Your Order
Click the "Complete Your Order Now" button to review your order. Be sure that all selected characteristics are correct. If you are not satisfied, please allow up to one year for the delivery of your unwanted baby, then simply crate your unwanted baby, and send it to:
Baby Refund Center
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